Consequences

I couldn’t take it anymore

I had enough and I needed the pain to go away

As my hands trembled to grab my keys

All I could do was focus on my breathing

As I sat there waiting

The pace of my foot tapping became faster

I couldn’t focus on anything

My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears

I manage to put on smile

I release my secret

The response is so overwhelming I am lost for words

My temperature begins to rise, my breathing becoming faster

I bite my lip in order to deal with the news

Once I am alone, I cry.

Reminding myself to breath, I manage to compose myself

I see his car and all I can say is ‘FUCK, fuck, fuck”

As soon as I see his loving face, I lose it

Tears are pouring from my eyes uncontrollably and I am too upset to even speak

He is the best thing in the world and the most important person in my life

I don’t know how to tell him my secret

I am so ashamed

I am so confused

I am frustrated with irony, with karma, with life

Why me?

Now I must live with my consequences for the rest of my life

There are so many worse than I, yet I am the chosen one

I hate myself and each day I am going to have to live with that

I don’t deserve him for he is too good for me.